Righty Tighty, Lefty Loosy
by Kaden Amano
Summary: Vash and Wolfwood disappear one evening, leaving Meryl and Millie to look for them. What they find isn't at all what the expected. Just WHAT is going on, and what do those two think they're doing! Slight Meryl-bashing. Just a short, funny story. Enjoy!


Title: **Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosy**  
  
Author: Kaden Amano  
  
Summary: Vash and Wolfwood disappear one evening, leaving Meryl and Millie to look for them. What they find isn't at all what the expected. Just WHAT is going on, and what do those two think they're doing?! Slight Meryl-bashing.  
  
Genre: Humor (of course! )  
  
Rating: PG for cursing.  
  
_--Disclaimer--  
_  
Kade: (pokes Vash) Be a sweetheart and read the disclaimer, would ya?  
  
Vash: Kaden doesn't own Trigun or any of the characters, just the idea for this fic. Don't sue her, because she's trying to save up money to go to Otakon.

* * *

**Righty-Tighty, Lefty-Loosy******   
  
It was a nice, quiet evening in the town of...oh heck, it really doesn't matter what the name of the town is. What's important is what was going on INSIDE this town. People were just getting done with work, and starting to head on home to their families. Mothers were calling their children inside to eat dinner, and shop-keepers were getting ready to close. But we don't care about them right now. There were a ton of rumors floating around this town at the moment, one of the most popular being that one of the hotels in the center of the town was said to currently accommodate the sixty billion double dollar man; the humanoid typhoon himself, Vash The Stampede.  
  
And you know what? It was no rumor.  
  
In the lobby of the said hotel sat Meryl Strife, clicking away on her typewriter as she wrote yet another report. It was a little hard to concentrate though, as it was pretty noisy in the room. Little children were screaming and whining to their parents, the radio was blaring, people were talking loudly amongst each other...the only other annoyance that was conspicuous by his absence was...  
  
"Meryl, have you seen Mr. Vash?"  
  
Meryl's head snapped up, and she gave her partner Millie an annoyed look. "I could care less where that slob is!" She snapped. "I really have to finish the report, so the less trouble he causes, the better!" Her eyes softened at Millie's puzzled expression, and she sighed, waving a hand in the air exasperatedly. "Last I knew, he and that good-for-nothing priest were helping out around here to re-pay the manager for letting them stay here. Don't ask me where they are now, I couldn't tell you...not that I CARE either." She scowled as she went back to typing the report.  
  
Millie smiled brightly. "Okay!" She turned to leave, but then stopped. "By the way Miss Meryl, dinner's ready if you're hungry. They're even serving PUDDING for dessert!" Meryl could swear she saw Millie start to foam at the mouth after mentioning the word.  
  
"Well I guess finishing the report can wait." Meryl began to put her stuff away and stood up. "Let's go get something to eat now, I'm starving!"  
  
"Yay!" Millie laughed, but then she stopped. "Oh...but I was supposed to find Mr. Priest and Mr. Vash first, to tell them it was time to eat..."  
  
Meryl rolled her eyes. "Why bother? They'll just eat everything like the pigs they are!"  
  
Millie's eyes began to fill with tears. "M-Meryl, that's not very nice..."  
  
"Agh!" Meryl threw her hands up in defeat. "Alright, let's go find those bums before the food gets cold..." With that she stalked off, grumbling under her breath, with Millie at her heels.  
  
It was about ten minutes later when their search finally brought them to the very top floor. The insurance girls had searched just about everywhere, and still had found nothing. How odd that "those two boneheads", as Meryl had oh-so-affectionately put it, seemed to just disappear in thin air! They both stood at the top of the stairs on the fourth floor, confused. Well, one of them was confused, the other was extremely annoyed.  
  
"Look how much time we've wasted on them," Meryl complained. "I bet all the food is gone by now anyway! I say we just give up and go downstairs. If they're not around when it's time for dinner, then that's just too damn bad!"  
  
Millie blinked, staring at Meryl. She sure could be a bitch sometimes! Actually most of the time, but...she was Millie's partner and Millie adored her nonetheless. She watched as Meryl continued to rant and rave about all the annoyances she'd suffered ever since the two of them met Vash The Stampede, even though it was all entirely her own fault since she was the one who insisted upon tracking him down in the first place. Millie was about to respond when suddenly she heard a bunch of noises coming from a room at the very end of the hall.  
  
"What was that?" She wondered, causing Meryl to finally shut up and listen herself.  
  
"...It sounds like a bunch of banging," Meryl responded, completely uninterested, just as an all-too-familiar maniacal laugh drifted down the hallway. "GRR it's him! That bum!" Meryl clenched a fist and began to storm down the hall. "What the hell is that man doing?!" Millie followed closely behind. When they came to the door the sounds were coming from, they stopped to listen:  
  
"AH-HAHAHAHAHA!! Hey Wolfwood look what I can do!" Vash laughed, followed by a series of loud crashes that made both girls flinch.  
  
"Careful Spikey, what the hell are you doing?! This is only a closet you know, there isn't a whole lot of room to be messing around like that! Get down from there, alright? I'M going to be on top!" Wolfwood's annoyed tone responded as a few more clatters could be heard.  
  
"What? I thought you said I could be on top this time! That's no fair, Wolfwood!"  
  
"It's plenty fair! You were on top the first time we did this, quit complaining or we'll never get it done!"  
  
Vash began to whine, "You're such a mean guy! I'm taller, I should be the one on top!"  
  
Wolfwood sighed loudly. "Alright, FINE! You be on top, just stop whining! mumble Don't have to throw a tantrum..."  
  
"I'm not throwing a tantrum!" A bunch of creaking was heard next. "Hey, give me the box okay?"  
  
"I can't see a thing right now...dammit Needle Noggin, take off your coat, it's getting in my way."  
  
Snapping sounds were heard next as Vash un-buttoned his jacket. "Here, catch! Now let me have the box...please?"  
  
"Just don't break it this time, okay? Do you have any idea how much those cost? I've already had to run to the store to get new ones twice today, if that one breaks then YOU'RE going to get a new one."  
  
"I won't break it, jeez! And those last two times were accidents, I didn't mean to pull them that hard."  
  
"Just hurry up and screw it in, will ya? Honestly, this shouldn't be taking so long. The concept here is fairly simple, you see; put the THING in the HOLE..."  
  
"You're being a real jerk today, you know that?"  
  
"And you're being a baby. Look, I'm starving here. Let's just hurry up and finish this so we can both go downstairs and eat dinner."  
  
"I'm with you, buddy! ...Mmmm I hope they have donuts!" Meryl and Millie almost swore they heard little drops of drool hit the floor.  
  
"Come on Spikey, what are you waiting for? Twist it in!" Wolfwood sounded like he was quickly losing his patience.  
  
"Okay okay! Calm down! ...Which way, left or right?"  
  
"Right. Haven't you ever heard the saying? 'Righty-tighty, Lefty-loosy?' That's how it goes."  
  
"Ohhh yeah!" There was a brief pause before Vash spoke again. "How's that?"  
  
"Hang on a second..."  
  
"What are you doing? I didn't do anything wrong, it's in there all the way..."  
  
"OUCH!"  
  
"Oh no, I'm sorry!"  
  
"You just crushed my--"  
  
"I'M SORRY I'M SORRY!!!"  
  
"Damn that hurt...hey, don't start crying or anything! It's really not that big of a deal."  
  
Whimpering sounds from Vash were heard next; followed by a loud thump from OUTSIDE the room as Meryl's eyes rolled back into her head and she fell over backwards onto the floor. Millie blinked in surprise and looked down at her, just as the closet door swung open.  
  
Millie looked up at the two confused men. One of them was painfully clutching a black and blue finger that had obviously been stepped on, and the other was standing on a ladder half-way up, wearing nothing but a body suit [AN: ] and holding a lightbulb in place. Vash gave her an idiotic grin. "Hello! We were just changing this lightbulb. Is dinner ready yet?"

**The End.**

****

* * *

_AN: Bwahaha! Did I have you all fooled? Pfft, like I would EVER make Vash gay! huggles Vash And I know a certain somebody who would KEEEEL me if I ever really did that to Wolfwood. But anywayz, the other day I was thinking about how, in certain situations where people can hear you and not see you, a conversation can really make somebody think the wrong thing. So I decided to write about that using the Trigun peeps. Thank you for reading this, and I'd appreciate your input! In other words, would you be so kind as to leave me a review? _


End file.
